Saturday Mornings 9 to 10 am
by Random Guise
Summary: With the Golden Globes coming up, we look at what happened after the 2008 movie "Ghost Town" starring Ricky Gervais. Life may go on, but sometimes (after)life goes on as well. I don't own these characters, and I don't even like ghost peppers.


**A/N: Bertram Pincus gives a little bit more of an explanation to Gwen after the 2008 movie "Ghost Town".**

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Saturday Mornings 9 to 10 a.m.

"Still no sign of Frank?" Gwen Herlihy asked Bertram Pincus as she flipped through the notebook to a clean page. They both sat behind a small folding table placed in the lobby of the dental practice that Bertram shared with Dr. Jahangir Prashar. It was a Saturday morning and the office was closed, but both sat with the lights on and the door locked. "He was always a persistent guy."

"So I noticed; even though he was dead I just couldn't get rid of the guy. But there hasn't been any sign since that day. I don't think there will be; the last I saw before I woke up in hospital was a bright flash of light and he was starting to fade; that's how the others went when their business was done" the dentist explained. "Or like I tried to explain to you, it's more like a person they left behind has to finish the business by letting go. At that point I guess they get beamed up, or down, or across - whatever."

"For instance..." she asked, trying to draw out an example of the ghosts that Bertram had seen depart besides her dead husband Frank.

"Well, the very first one I helped was a pensioner who had misplaced a letter to her sister before she died. She knew where it was, but the sister hadn't found it and she certainly couldn't tell her. When I pointed it out to the sister who finally managed to read it, the street light flashed for a moment and she faded away. I think I can rule out those insufferable ghostbusters or ghost hunters or whatever they call them on the telly these days."

Bertram Pincus had been medically dead for nearly seven minutes during a routine colonoscopy. After he had been released from the hospital, he quickly found that he had the ability to see and talk with ghosts; people wandering the streets of New York, unable to move on to the next world until some manner of personal business was completed. He was quickly besieged with requests for help, and particularly badgered by Gwen's late husband Frank. Bertram hadn't been much of a people person before; it was particularly odious to find that the dead had all the time in the world to bother him and weren't stopped by doors or locks.

"Then I pointed out to a crane operator that a mechanical hydraulic leak thingy had caused an accident that killed three of his co-workers, not his negligence while on the job. When he found the trouble, there was a welder's flash and the three faded away."

"So you told somebody something, there was a flash and they moved on. Got it. Why did Frank stick around?" she asked.

"Good question; it stumped us both, although at the time I wasn't inclined to care. He thought that your fiancé Richard was a bad guy who was after your money so he wanted me to break up the marriage plan first. After you broke up, he got frustrated because he was still around and then he got mad at me because I took a fancy to you."

"Jealous."

"He needn't be; I wasn't right for you either" Bertram said as he shook his head. "At least I don't go around calling someone 'Pink Ass' to their face."

"He called you...called you..." Gwen started before she broke out in laughter. "Pink ass?" she managed to get out before howling with laughter. Bertram smiled good-naturedly and let it run its course. She wore down in short order, and then had to stifle a further giggle before apologizing. "Sorry. But it fit the old you; figuratively, I mean."

"Literally too, as you well know now. It wasn't THAT dark."

"No, it wasn't" she admitted with a grin. "But I never would have had the opportunity to see for myself if you hadn't changed. What happened? Tell me it was me."

"Sorry, I have to blame Albert Einstein." Gwen gave him the pirate look; at least now he could use the term without getting into trouble. "Well, technically it was a _poster_ of Albert Einstein."

"That doesn't clear it up any."

"Well, after you gave me the business in the park when I gifted you the key chain, I went into a period of self-loathing. Dr. Prashar set me straight in no uncertain terms why I was so miserable, and pointed to a poster of good old Albert he had in his office that stressed the importance of living for others. It was a concept I hadn't embraced for a very long time..."

"Because of Sarah?" she asked, referring to Bertram's partner who had left him long ago.

"...partially yes, but I was something of a prat before that I suspect - I just got better at it after she left me to head to Portland. I was so desperate that I finally decided to help some of those ghosts that were so insistent on besetting me night and day. I mean, at that point it had started to get creepy."

"It wasn't creepy before that?"

"Well, perhaps a little, but it was just a damned nuisance. By that point, instead of clamoring over me like a rock star they just - stared - and waited. So I finally sat down and talked to them about their problems. I started to understand the...oh, I don't know what to call it - satisfaction seems so inadequate…importance of helping others. Watching the dead move on and the closure that the living had afterwards really moved me. I even helped the naked guy."

"Naked guy?"

"Somehow, when you die you're stuck with whatever you were wearing. There was one guy that was always running around bare-assed - not a stitch."

"I'm afraid to ask about that one."

"I wouldn't tell you even if you did; trust me. I helped him just so that I wouldn't have to see him popping up in the buff. But even I was confused about Frank. You broke off the marriage and nothing happened. He genuinely said he was sorry and nothing happened. The one thing it had to be was the person left behind; in this case, it was you. The way I figure it, the dead are held back by the living like a boat that's still tied to the dock. You had to let go, but that didn't happen until I got flattened by the MTA bus."

"You were lying there on the road. Not moving, not breathing. It was just too much; it wasn't about Frank anymore, it was about you."

"But it brought us both back into focus. Thanks to a little CPR and maybe a divine act we made it through and now we're here together" he said, patting her hand. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"I've spent my whole career working with the dead, trying to understand mummies, tombs and rituals of my ancient friends back in Egypt. If you're willing, I'd like to try working with some living people for a bit. Not the people you're talking to, but the people who need to let go I mean. I can help you help them - I can't see or talk to the dead ones."

"I know you talked to the mummies. Confess now and be set free" he commanded with a wave of the hand."

"Well, maybe a little. But it's no different than a mechanic talking to a car he's working on."

"How did you ever figure out that I still help them, anyway? You couldn't have read my fan mail because there isn't any."

"You were never available on Saturdays. When we first met after you came back from the bus accident, I asked if you still saw Frank and you said no. You didn't _technically_ say you didn't see other ghosts still. I put two and two together..."

"...and got my hobby all figured out. I do what I can, but at least there's an understanding now; word has gotten out that I won't be bullied or browbeaten into helping. Civility, calm, and decorum shall prevail or I close up shop - which, by the way is only open Saturdays 9 a.m. to 10 a.m. I'll dictate, you take notes and we'll see what we can do. Ring the bell."

Gwen reached out and lightly tapped the service bell sitting on the corner of the table and waited; directly in front of the bell was a small sign:

**No line cutting**  
**One interview at a time**  
**No illegal or immoral requests**

Bertram's smile faded almost immediately and he bolted upright. "No no no NO NO! I'm sorry, we have our standards, yes I'm sure there's a good explanation but I don't want to hear it. Seek help elsewhere - NEXT!" He grabbed the sign and added a new line at the bottom:

**No naked people**

He sat down with a "plop" and turned to Gwen. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"See what?"

"Um, nothing that need concern you. Oh, this one looks interesting" he said as his attention was turned back toward the front. "And your name is? Nice to meet you, Mr. Carson. And your dog's name?" he asked as he looked downward.

"At least he's not as big as Leonard" Gwen guessed. Then she started to giggle.

Bertram leaned over to whisper "you're thinking about that 'Pink Ass' comment again, aren't you?"

The End

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**A/N: This was an enjoyable romantic comedy, although I didn't know the male lead. It had both funny and touching moments, with a main character that I really wanted to like but took a little getting used to. But it struck me that he never said that his "gift" had gone away; we simply don't see it at the end. I thought maybe there should be a reason...**


End file.
